A gag order was originally placed on this case at the request of Mr. Clause’s lawyer, Twinkie, an elf currently employed by the defendant who also specializes in making miniature wooden horses. “It’s a tragedy. I was afraid this was going to happen. The image of everyones favorite Christmas icon has been ruined. I bet the Easter Bunny never has these problems.”
The day after Christmas charges were filed by the meddling kids of Mystery Inc. Images from their security camera were submitted at the time as evidence. The pictures show Santa standing next to the tree laughing as it burned.
There was some question as to if the arsonist was really Santa Clause or some impostor. Santa Clause is supposed to be a fat jolly man. Where Santa appeared to be jolly, he wasn’t fat. On the witness stand he told us, “My doctor told me that my cholesterol was too high and I was at a high risk for heart attack. If I didn’t want to disappoint all the good little boys and girls I would have to go on a diet and exercise regimen and loose weight. I lost one hundred and fifty pounds using the Adkins diet and Richard Simmons Sweating to the Oldies tapes.”
Santa was sentenced with community service, time all ready served for his previous service to the community every Christmas. He is currently undergoing psychiatric evaluation to make sure his weight loss hasn’t affected his mental ability to perform his job.
